You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
