thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
