your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
