I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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