I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
