i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
