She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
