I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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