i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
