I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
