I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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