dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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