It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
