If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My breasts were aching with rage.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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