Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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