Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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