Betty ford says i'm here all night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
