I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
