I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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