8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
