you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
