i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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