You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she peed on how many people?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
