Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
