i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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