i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
