around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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