I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
