my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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