i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
