The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
In America we eat man semen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
