New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fuck appropriateness.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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