My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
