so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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