do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
