Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
