I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
