a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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