Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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