Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
