I feel like I'm in dance class right now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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