My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
