I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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