I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
