I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
