if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
