plz talk dirty to me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
