So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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