You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
