these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
